Category — minivan humor

Overheard conversation between my two Darling Daughters –

DD1:   Mom!   She’s breathing my air!

DD2:   Mom!   Tell her to stop touching me! (laughter)

DD1:   Ummmm,  technically,  if I’m touching her, then she’s touching me!

….because, according to the laws of physics, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Ha!

Me:   Is anyone writing down this conversation so that I can post it to my blog later?

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This is a photo of the scariest thing I have ever seen on the road. What’s scarier is that it’s inside my own minivan! This may look harmless to you, but you are not sitting in the middle of this heart clenching scene where I was when I took the photo and was completely white-knuckled. Don’t see what I’m talking about? Look harder…. It’s….

…… MY TEENAGER behind the WHEEL!

That’s right. His driver permit was obtained today.

Learning to drive is such a huge rite of passage, for the teen and the parent! Is any parent ever ready for this? I swear it was just last week when he was in kindergarten.

Seriously though, I am signing him up for a Driver’s Ed road training class, and he is taking a safety course as well. Not only that, but he told me himself that he plans to be a “good driver”. I guess we all were new drivers at some point, and I’m not going to last very long if I hold my breath every time I hand him the keys now, am I? It’s time to cowboy up and accept the fact that this day has finally arrived.

ATTENTION DRIVERS OF NORTH AMERICA: A new driver has taken the wheel. You have been warned.

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Yesterday, right around the corner from where I live, was a rather remarkable roadside oddity. Apparently someone was playing a prank and hacked into the digital construction sign and changed it to read, “ZOMBIES AHEAD”.

The construction company was not amused — but I was. Zombie humor really tickles my funny bone. As a testament to my love for zombies, a month ago I participated in a huge community zombie event for Halloween. (A photo of my zombie persona is posted at my friend Devra’s blog).

After a quick search, I have learned that this road side prank is not unique. Apparently construction sign hackers in cities around the country have been pulling this stunt for a while. For example:

Zombie sign outside Austin, TX
Zombie attack warning Fairfax, VA
Zombie sign Cadillac, MI
Zombies in Lattingtown, NY

The zombie road sign warning made our evening news.

As for me, having recently posted an article about roadside attractions and oddities, I am thrilled to have an “oddity” of zombie humor caliber right in my own backyard. Meanwhile, I will keep careful watch and listen for the cries of the undead in my backyard

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There’s an effort to elect an unknown random person as President… and it’s someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee.

Ha ha! I kill me!

Seriously, please post my website on your facebook page, myspace, and share with your friends. I need all the help I can get! Thanks readers!

Meanwhile, my favorite time of year is approaching. I really recommend these of mine if you’re starting to look for free Halloween Costume Ideas or even Mardi Gras costumes.

Some people may have the impression that my road trips are always perfect…. that we go singing down the road in perfect harmony, never fighting, never getting bored, arriving on time and never getting lost. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m as normal as the rest of you.

Even my backseat looks like the floor of a teenager’s bedroom at the end of a long trip. Here’s a photo as proof.

I have also posted a few random crazy moments that occured in the back seat of our minivan this summer….

I overheard this conversation between my darling daughters (aka “DD”s) during a game of Battleship on the road:

DD1: Permission to speak freely, Captain?

DD2: Permission granted…

DD1: You are a dork! (laughter galore)

Overheard game of Mad Libs …

body part: Uvula

place: Oscar’s belly button! (Oscar is our dog)

noun: vomit

adjective: vomit-like

adverb: vomitly!

Vomitly? You gotta give ‘em points for creativity anyway. Makes me wonder how they would do at Scrabble.

I don’t sweat any of it though. Payback will come someday when they’ll be driving, and I’ll be in the backseat with THEIR kids, inspired to write all kinds of stories titled, “Traveling with Kids, or Why Grandma Drinks Wild Turkey“.

Full circle.

Recently I was trying to come up with a title for an article I was writing. The subject was one I frequently write about — having fun while traveling with your kids. There are those people who cannot imagine “fun” being any part of traveling with children. I feel sorry for those poor souls. They don’t know what they’re missing. Laughter is honestly the best medicine, and most parents do expect a little reasonable chaos of some kind on these adventures. The key is to embrace it!

I bounced a few ideas off a friend, and we joked about possible titles that might catch the attention of someone who might be driving down the road to crazy. Here’s a list of rejected titles:

• Traveling With Children and Keeping Your Sanity
• Dragging Children Through Airports and Across the Country
• Family Road Trippin’
• Traveling With Kids and Not Wanting to Kill Yourself
• Hit the Road, Not Your Kids
• Hitting the Road without Hitting Your Kids
• Hitting the road, and not the bottle, …..with your family
• Where are we going? Crazy, and your kids are driving.
• Are We There Yet? That Depends, Are We Going Crazy?
• Traveling With Children, or Why Grandma Drinks Wild Turkey
• Tripping with your kids without heavy drugs
• There’s no crying on vacation!

In the end, an acceptable title was chosen for the piece instead. There are many moms though, my grandmother and my own mother included, who could still get some good mileage out of these rejections, at least as far as a good laugh can take them. Your mileage may vary.

Here’s a cool freebie that I came across and wanted to share with all the “hot moms” who are behind the wheel schlepping their kids around town to practices, scout meetings and playdates. It’s a promo for a new tv show — a free magnet that says “Hot Mom Driving”.

Hey, if the LA Times says that I’m hot, then I’m not gonna argue (tooting my own horn here!). If you’re a hot mom (and aren’t we all?!), then go request a magnet for your hot self! Mine is going to go right on the back of my minivan. If you don’t stick yours on your car, then you can always use it to stick a hot picture of yourself to the fridge.

(Please note that their offer says, “while supply lasts”. They do not indicate if they still have any available, and it’s possible they are just leaving up this promo to get free traffic to their website. I hope not! Still, it can’t hurt to try, and it’ll be a fun surprise if it really shows up.)

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A couple of years ago I reached out to my readers to help me fix the air conditioning in my aging minivan. Earlier this summer I finally fixed the entire van by replacing it with a long overdue and much needed newer van. (Read about the history of all my minivans here.) It’s a slightly used 2006 Grand Caravan “Special Edition”. And it’s special indeed – loaded with goodies like a sun roof, leather seats, and a built in GPS navigational system. A real Mom’s minivan.

My three kids wasted no time at all helping me “Mom My Ride” (see video below) during our first road trip in the new van – a 9 hour drive to NC for a week at the beach in July. We filled it with dog hair (on the way to the kennel), crumbs, sunscreen, wet towels, leaky coolers, and lots and lots of sand during our stay at the beach.

My ride definitely says, “Don’t even think about it, I’ve got kids”. Although, I prefer to think of it as saying, “Happy family on board!” or “Another successful road trip completed!”

“Mom My Ride”