Turkey Defense

Here's my dad in 1981 with "Meaty", our aptly named pet turkey. Meaty was quite the barnyard showpiece. We'd raised him from a chick. And, well, kids do dumb things, and I was no exception. I teased him a lot when his voice began changing from a cheep to a gobble. I gobbled loudly at him constantly to make him gobbly-cheep back. It was hilarious at the time. As a result, he grew to dislike me intensely.

I have no idea what was going on inside his bird brain, but as a fully grown turkey, he would sneak up on me at every opportunity to attack. It was only me that he disliked. Everyone else could pet him on his bumpy red head and play with his weird warm waddle affectionately. Not me. He would pick me out of a crowd of people, flapping his wings like baseball bats against my thigh and driving his 2-inch talons into my calves. One day in my self defense, I waved a horse's lead rope and halter in his direction to fend him off, and accidentally knocked him on the head with the metal buckle. He flopped to the ground completely unconscious. I thought I'd killed him.

I panicked and tried to think of what I would tell my mother about the beloved family pet. I stroked his knobby head and told him how sorry I was. I said a prayer to please undo this mistake. My prayer was answered. About 60 seconds later he opened his eyes and hopped up, seemingly good as new. What great relief. Meaty and I pretty much avoided each other after that, managing to co-exist somewhat peacefully in the barnyard. ... until he met his untimely demise a couple of years later at the jaws of a hungry coyote.


It seems I am not the only one who has ever fought with a turkey. Recently, a friend sent me a hilarious turkey-wrestling video ad for a JennieO Oven Ready Turkey. I could totally relate. The moment the woman in the video sent her unruly turkey soaring out of her kitchen window and into the back of her husband's head, I knew I needed one of these birds. Given my special affinity for turkey wrestling, I was hooked. So, this past Sunday night I cooked the "Oven Ready Boneless Turkey Breast" from their product line, or as my family called it, "turkey boob in a bag".

I literally took it out of the freezer and put into my oven already in its cooking bag. No thawing, no seasoning, no preparing, nothing. I didn't have to do a thing or even touch the raw turkey. It seemed too good to be true. I kept re-reading the instructions for the catch. I even started to dig around in the kitchen drawers looking for my meat thermometer, until I realized it already had one of those nifty pop up things. This was one of the easiest dinners I have ever made.

All three kids gave it a thumbs up, and ditto for the gravy that came with it. Delicious. And no one was hit in the head by a giant flopping bird. …Or stabbed in the leg by a spit-angry flapping one. If only I could have gotten along as well with ol' Meaty.

Elect MomsMinivan!

There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President... and it's someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee.

Ha ha! I kill me!

Seriously, please post my website on your facebook page, myspace, and share with your friends. I need all the help I can get! Thanks readers!

Meanwhile, my favorite time of year is approaching. I really recommend these of mine if you're starting to look for free Halloween Costume Ideas or even Mardi Gras costumes.

NC Senior Games

We may have a road trip to Raleigh, NC in our future. It seems that my father is going to compete in the state finals for the North Carolina Senior Games! He's a tennis player, and he will compete in singles and double.

My dad has been a tennis player most of his life and still plays regularly. The kids are so excited to know that their grandpa is still swinging with the best of them. He's competing in the 70-74 age category. Go get 'em, Ace!

Fifteen Pounds of Coleslaw, Anyone?

My daughter brought home a tiny cabbage seedling from school last year with three little leaves on it. I tend to have a bad effect on plants, especially ones in pots. And due to my natural black-thumb, I never expected it to live, which is why I allowed her to plant it in the front yard. Amazingly it lived and the rabbits didn't eat it. It grew to 15 pounds. At some point, I think we were supposed to enter it into some kind of 3rd grade contest, but it didn't start getting really large until just recently, and now summer has gone by and 4th grade has started. So we are eating it instead.

After doing some research, I found that these cabbages can get up to 40 pounds or more. Still, 15 pounds for a cabbage is pretty impressive by ordinary standards.

This giant vegetable reminded me of the titanic pumpkins that grow in Half Moon Bay, CA where they hold a pumpkin festival every year. Those are definitely something special and a really fun event for kids.

Meanwhile, as you contemplate all of these monster vegetables, we'll be busy eating an extraordinary amount of coleslaw. Cheers!

Back Seat Out-Takes

Some people may have the impression that my road trips are always perfect.... that we go singing down the road in perfect harmony, never fighting, never getting bored, arriving on time and never getting lost. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm as normal as the rest of you.

Even my backseat looks like the floor of a teenager's bedroom at the end of a long trip. Here's a photo as proof.

I have also posted a few random crazy moments that occured in the back seat of our minivan this summer....

I overheard this conversation between my darling daughters (aka "DD"s) during a game of Battleship on the road:

DD1: Permission to speak freely, Captain?

DD2: Permission granted...

DD1: You are a dork! (laughter galore)

Overheard game of Mad Libs ...

body part: Uvula

place: Oscar's belly button! (Oscar is our dog)

noun: vomit

adjective: vomit-like

adverb: vomitly!

Vomitly? You gotta give 'em points for creativity anyway. Makes me wonder how they would do at Scrabble.

I don't sweat any of it though. Payback will come someday when they'll be driving, and I'll be in the backseat with THEIR kids, inspired to write all kinds of stories titled, "Traveling with Kids, or Why Grandma Drinks Wild Turkey".

Full circle.

TV Opp for August Vacationers

Are you planning a road trip or vacation during the last week or two in August? A producer from Nickelodeon's Nick News contacted me because they are looking for families who would be willing to be filmed for a segment about kids taking family vacations going camping, visiting national parks, etc. Kids narrate the piece and would have to be between 11 and 15 years old.

Send me an email if you're interested and I'll forward it on.

On a personal note -- My kids started back to school yesterday, so our summer road trips are over for now! Bummer!

See me at PBS.org!

PBS has always been special to me. I could not get enough of Sesame Street as a child. Grover always was and still is my favorite character of any PBS show. He was a world traveler with a can-do attitude and was never afraid to try something new, even if it didn't always work out the way he thought it would. I can see myself in him at every turn of my life. As a mom, I see the special place PBS has forged in my own children's hearts.

I am very excited to be a featured "expert" at the PBS Parents website for the next couple of weeks. I'm heading up the topic of ways to keep children happy and parents sane during the busy travel season. Please come over and join in the Q & A discussion!

update: links updated to reflect archived story

Loser Friends

My friends are losers. Yes, I am proud to admit that I am their friend. In fact, I wish I were a loser too. Actually, I may already be a loser -- and not in a good way -- just for helping them create the header image for their loser blog.

What am I talking about? .... My friends Devra and Sarah are on a mission to lose a few inches of their waistline by hiring a personal trainer together. These gals are funny enough on their own when reading along with their blogs. I'm sure their training sessions are going to be quite interesting to say the least. They'll probably burn half their total calories just from all the joking around. They will be literally laughing their asses off. Good for them. More power to them. Go Loser Moms!

Edited to add: I sent hate mail to my loser friends and it was posted. I guess I am a loser after all.

Friends at BlogHer

My friend Devra from Parentopia got to meet Katie Couric last week in New York! Katie invited some of the Blogher attendees to her office for an informal meeting.

Check out the YouTube video that her studio posted about Katie and the bloggers she met! Here's still shot from the video so you can find Devra in the group. Go bloggers!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEXOLbNhiQc

BTW, this now makes me only 4 degrees from Kevin Bacon.

*I am very good friends with Devra.
*Devra met Katie Couric in NY with the bloggers.
*Katie Couric was in "The More You Know" (1989) with Courtney Cox
*Courteney Cox was on The 64th Annual Golden Globe Awards(2007) with Kevin Bacon

Stuff on My Mutt

I'm a proud dog-mamma today because my old dog Oscar made it onto one of my favorite "pure amusement" websites: StuffOnMyMutt.com. In fact, he's on there twice.

You can see him here, wearing the big cone collar looking like a spokesmutt for Direct TV, and here is is again as the Stuff On My Mutt fan club leader. He has a rather goofy look on his face in that second picture, but I promise that he really didn't seem to mind the sticky notes. He's a good old boy!

And for the cat lovers, they have another silly site called Stuff On My Cat. We haven't sent in a picture of our cat yet, but you can see him in my cat post on MomsMinivan.

Advice: Flat Tire Fun (Not!)

Some good advice I got from my father once -- Be familiar with your spare before you hit the road! (ok, I got it more than once -- I get it every time I got a new vehicle.)

Imagine being at the side of the road on a busy Interstate highway with a flat tire.... ...alone.... in the dark.

I found myself in this situation recently. I was alone and about 50 miles from home in the countryside on a dark interstate highway on a short 200 mile road trip. It was 7 pm in January so it was pitch dark and very cold. My tire went flat. I pulled off the road as far as I possibly could. Changing a tire by the side of the road is very dangerous and very scary. But I knew what to do. Do you? Read more Flat Tire help for some great advice so you don't get stuck!

Elf Yourself (or your Dog)

Silly silly Christmas fun. We can't stop laughing at this. You can upload photos of your family's faces to an elf body and then they dance around a winter wonderland at ElfYourself.com. First I Elfed my kids . My adorable little angels are now goofy dancing elves. I am right there with them!

Then I couldn't resist, and I Elfed my dog and cat. I also included my sister's dog and mother's for more hilarity. You may have to reload these a few times to get them to play since the site is really busy this time of year.

I just wanted to share this and wish you a Merry Christmas. No road trips for us this holiday season, but we are heading out by plane for some family visits. If you're doing the same, check out my tips for flying with kids!

Cat Post

This is a response to a cat post by Matt Cutts, a Google engineer who writes a blog generally for webmasters. He posted pictures of his cat this week while he is away at a webmaster's conference called Pubcon. I attended this conference a couple of years ago when it was in New Orleans. Matt's cat was eating his Christmas tree, and he also wrote about how it likes to squeeze in behind him on his chair while he works at the computer.

Our cat, Rocky, loves to lie right on top of my desk, preferably on top of my papers so that I cannot read them while I'm working. His favorite spot is right in front of the printer. He hardly even flinches when paper comes rolling out of it while it's in use. If I am not adoring him enough, then he walks back and forth in front of my keyboard for a view out the window at the birds while pausing right in front of my monitor for a nice sloooow stretch. Occasionally he even acknowledges the dog who sleeps under the desk by my feet .

Ok, bloggers, let's see your cat posts.